Wellspring - Ending relationship and sexual abuse in Saratoga County

Shine a Light Blog

Shine a Light Blog

Mom warned you about strangers. Was that enough?

Last week the Bureau of Justice Statistics released the report Female Victims of Sexual Violence 1994-2000.The most salient point is a decline in sexual assault rates reported. Over that 15 year period, the rate of females age 12 and over who are sexually assaulted decreased 58%, from 5 victims per 1,000 to 2.1 victims per 1,000 annually. We’re heading in the right direction, but we shouldn’t rest until there are NO MORE.

Another very important point is that 78% of sexual violence involved an offender who was known to the victim—a family members, partner, friend or acquaintance.  For many of us, the visual image of a rapist is the masked man jumping out of the bushes. Women typically (and  wisely!) take extra precautions when walking alone or in unfamiliar surroundings.  However, they often feel safe from harm when in the company of people they know even casually.

That stereotyped image of the dangerous stranger, engenders a false sense of security. We feel safe on our home turf, with people we know. In fact, according to RAINN, half of all reportedsexual assaults occurred within 1 mile of their home or at their home-- 4 in 10 take place in their home and 2 in 10 at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.

So does that mean women should live in a constant state of high alert? No. But having the information that sexual predators are most frequently someone you know, is an important reminder to practice basic safety routinely. Be aware of your surroundings. Know that excessive alcohol or drug use could impair your judgment and make you more vulnerable to predators. And most importantly, if a situation feels uncomfortable, trust your gut.

Be a Friend… Break the Silence

Silence Hides Violence
Thank You for Caring and Having the Courage to Start a Conversation!
Be a Friend... Break the Silence
Starting a conversation is difficult, but if you think someone is in trouble, being controlled, abused, or dominated; speaking out is the right thing to do.

What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior used by one person to control another person in an intimate relationship through one or more tactics:

·         emotional abuse/controlling behavior
·         verbal abuse
·         psychological abuse
·         sexual control or abuse
·         threatening behaviors
·         economic abuse
·         physical violence

What are the Signs of Domestic Violence?
·         Is he/she nervous, jumpy, and walking on eggshells?
·         Does he/she seem afraid of their partner or is always anxious to please the partner?
·         Has he/she stopped seeing friends or family, doing the things they enjoy?
·         Has he/she stopped making decisions – leavings them all up to their partner?
·         Does he/she stay in constant contact with their partner throughout the day?
·         Has he/she become anxious or depressed, lost their confidence and/or is unusually quiet?
·         At work, is he/she often tardy, or miss work, get contacted all day by their partner, have poor concentration?
·         Does he/she have any visible signs – bruises, broken bones, scratches, cuts, bite marks, other injuries (and might give unlikely explanations)?

Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships:
Some of these reasons include: 
  • Belief that the abuser will change, that the abuse is their fault or that it is normal
  •  Fear of loneliness, economic hardship, losing custody of children or fear for safety.
  •  Isolation from family, friends, community may leave the victim with no self-esteem and feeling that she/he has nowhere to go.
  •  Love and the desire to keep family together.

How you can start the conversation:
·         Educate yourself about domestic violence – review DVRC’s website; call DVRC and talk with an advocate
·         Tell them you care about them and are concerned about them
·         Ask if they are safe
·         Refer them to DVRC
·         Do NOT judge their situation and their choices, blame them, give them advice or tell them what to do – it’s their choice.


March 13th. NO MORE Starts Today

Certain symbols have been instrumental in raising awareness about social issues. Think of the red ribbon for  awareness of HIV/AIDs, pink ribbons for breast cancer, yellow ribbons for returning military personnel, red dresses for women’s heart disease, puzzles for autism awareness. 

We’re running out of colors in the rainbow for awareness ribbons. Those of you who know me , know that purple has long been the color associated with domestic violence, but that’s getting confusing. According to Wikipedia, purple awareness ribbons represent 26 different social issues ranging from Alzheimer’s Disease  and Suicide Prevention to Pagan Pride and Protecting Orcas .  

Don’t get me wrong, these symbols are important. When I crack open eggs in October and see a pink ribbon on them, I think about breast cancer and the women I know who have been affected… and I remember how important it is to fund research and support services. But if you’re not sure what social issue the symbol refers to, that’s a problem. Purple seems to be a popular color;  it had more causes associated with it than any other ribbon color. 

So here’s a new symbol associated with domestic violence and sexual abuse. It’s being launched today. And even more important it’s about getting the incidence of domestic violence and sexual assault down to ZERO…  now that’s a symbol with impact. 

So have you seen the NO MORE symbol yet? What are your thoughts?
 Related posts:
Join Me in Saying NO MORE  March 5, 2013
NO MORE Working Together to Get to Zero  March 4, 2013

Got Three Minutes? Take Action to END Relationship Violence

In this week’s blog posts you’ve repeatedly heard a call to action—we all need to work to END domestic and sexual violence.  The burning question is, “So what can I do?”

Let’s start with the basics. Learn more about relationship abuse and start a conversation. We’ve got tools to help you.
Can you spare just 77 seconds? Watch Does This Count. It’s a video developed by Skidmore students describing common power and control tactics used by an abusive partner.
Ready to start a conversation? The most common question I’m asked is how people end up in abusive relationships…why don’t they get out sooner?  In Catch Domestic Violence Early another video produced by Skidmore students, the viewer sees an abusive relationship in rewind. The early red flags of abuse are much easier to spot in hindsight.
These powerful videos leave a lasting impression. To END relationship abuse, we first have to be able to recognize it.

Say NO MORE to Silence

This weekend I was wearing a pin I created using the new NO MORE symbol. Someone asked me about the pin and I explained the goal is to involve people everywhere in working to END domestic and sexual violence. And he said, “We need a symbol to make that happen? How can anyone possibly be in favor of domestic or sexual violence?” Good question!
The answer is not that anyone rallies in support of such violence; the answer is that through silence we tacitly condone it… and the violence continues. These are crimes that affect 1 in 4 women, 1 in 6 men and 1 in 3 teenagers. Domestic violence is the second most responded to crime in Saratoga County. It’s easy to read these numbers without really thinking about them. NO MORE’s webpage Why Should I Care puts those numbers in perspective with a call to action. Read it and you’ll look at those statistics differently. 

The Leadership Saratoga class that helped create DVRC’s outreach campaign summed up the problem very succinctly: Silence Hides Violence.
Help us end the silence… so we can end the violence. The first step is easy. Think about and give voice to why you care about the issue. Need more reasons? View NO MORE’s gallery of photos and messages from people across the country who also share a vision of ENDING domestic and sexual violence. Let’s END the silence...Let's END the violence.
You are not alone

For more information on how NO MORE got started visit

From Different Nations, but United as Women

Friday was International Women’s Day, but the spirit continued Saturday at Skidmore. I had the honor of participating in a roundtable discussion with 25 women in leadership roles, 17 from South American countries and 8 local women leaders.  

Early in our discussions, I was stuck by the differences in their cultures and ours. Some women described their homeland as a place where girls’ education often ended at elementary school. This aborted schooling was an impediment to equality; without education women lack a voice in government, are less able to become business owners, and have limited economic independence. She spoke about efforts to teach business skills so these women could prosper despite a lack of formal education.

Yet at that table were 17 highly educated and articulate women, attorneys, businesswomen, elected officials and high ranking public servants. It was clear that each woman had struggled against social norms to achieve her post… and each was very conscious that she was a role model and a voice for other women. I was honored to sit among such inspiring leaders.

As our conversation continued, our differences dissolved and the similarities in the issues that concern us brought us to a common ground that gave depth to our exchanges: access to health care, bullying, discrimination against minorities.  When the conversation turned to issues of domestic violence, the issues raised were the very ones I discuss every day. Unquestionably, resources in the US are more plentiful -- one woman stated her country had only one domestic violence shelter in the capital city, although law stipulates states are required to have shelter. But the underlying issues were the same: economic dependence, access to employment and pay equity as obstacles to leaving abuse, concerns for child welfare, and the desire for social change… not only to benefit women, but to benefit families and the country as a whole. When there is justice… all citizens benefit.

SSPD: Prepared to Respond When Needed

Be Prepared… it’s the motto of the Boy Scouts, but good advice for all of us. It may even have played a part in the peaceful resolution of a threat against a Skidmore student earlier this week.  

Over the past two weeks all members of the Saratoga Springs Police Department  attended a half-day training by Bob Passano of the NYS Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence… little did they know that this training would relate to such a high profile incident just days later. Domestic incidents are among the most common situations police respond to … and they are most dangerous and potentially fatal.

Personally, I appreciate Assistant Chief Veitch’s commitment to public safety by coordinating this training, and the work of law enforcement every day in providing a skilled, professional response to victims of intimate partner violence.

Abuse starts at home, but doesn’t end there.

Did you know?

21% of adults working full-time have been victims of domestic violence.

40% of these victims report being harassed at work by their abuser.

74% of perpetrators had easy access to their partner’s place of employment, and

21% of offenders contacted their victim at work in violation of an order of protection.1

Domestic violence impacts business through decreased productivity, as well as,  increased absenteeism, employee turnover and health-related costs. When violence leaves the home and enters the workplace, not only the targeted employee, but coworkers and customers are also at risk.

You’ve got a busy business to run… what’s an employer to do?

Employees from the Clifton Park offices of Cengage Learning, a leader in creating instructional materials for schools and universities world-wide, saw this need and took action. They created a toolkit to help Saratoga County business owners better understand how relationship abuse impacts the workplace and developed simple tools to help business owners and supervisors increase awareness, promote workplace safety and address situations.  Contact DVRC today to request your Employer Toolkit… don’t wait until your workplace experiences a crisis.

Cengage Learning has developed tools you can put to use right away to promote the safety and well-being of your employees and the health of your business so you can focus on what you do best… running your business.  Call DVRC at 518-583-0280 to request your Employer Toolkit. You can make a difference!

1.Relationship Abuse: Impacting Businesses in Saratoga County, created by Cengage Learning, 2012

Skidmore Lockdown. Tragedy Averted… This Time

At a Soroptimist meeting last night one conversation turned to the recent Skidmore lockdown. It sounds like campus officials and the SSPD worked diligently to protect not only the student who was the target of this threat, but also the campus and our community.  Our local Soroptimist club has had a long-term, passionate investment in helping domestic violence victims. One member said to me, “Wow, this was an unusual incident in how it escalated to such a crisis.” I immediately said, “No it’s not…we hear about coercion, about threats to cause serious injury every day!”  But in one sense she’s correct. This incident was a headline story in the newspaper… that’s not an everyday occurrence. So why wasthis different?  It’s the same fear/terror … the same calculated threat to control … same sense of powerlessness to know when/where the abuser may strike… what’s different?

This one became public; it’s that simple. A campus was on alert for the safety of all students and the community members surrounding the school. Lately we’ve seen too many tragic examples when personal violence has spilled into public areas, causing devastating tragedy. At DVRC  abuse victims often say they spend their lives walking on eggshells around the abuser so the violence doesn’t erupt. In some sense we’ve become a nation that’s walking on eggshells around the issue of violence… we’ve seen too many instances with senseless and unpredictable deaths.
Domestic violence isn’t a women’s issue… it isn’t a private issue…it affects all of us. Yesterday that message resonated very close to home. Let’s heed that message now… we have to work together to END abuse, not just in our own relationships, but in our community. This tragedy was averted… and the next one? 

Later this week look for more posts about what YOU can do.