Wellspring - Ending relationship and sexual abuse in Saratoga County


News & Events

Homeless Kids in Saratoga County

Saratoga County's reputation is a bit like Lake Wobegon, an idyllic setting where there's no crime, no want, the problems are minor and all the children are above average. It's not a place you expect to see homelessness...and definitely not homeless families. In some ways this couldn't be more true- we don't see it. This isn't a community with  highly visible street homelessness. We don't have tent cities or folks sleeping on subway grates. But we do have homelessness.


In today's Times Union I was reading an article about local homeless families. Of course the highest concentration of homeless tends to be in urban areas like Albany, but *surprise* Ballston Spa also had 184 homeless children in 2012-3 according to the article. Many homeless families in local communities are living 'doubled up, or are 'couch surfing' ,i.e., moving from one temporary place to the next without a permanent home. Other families may have exhausted all their options and are staying in motels with assistance from the Department of Social Services. Often a whole family  is living for weeks or even months at a time in a single motel room without kitchen  facilities. Think about that. Imagine your  whole family spending months in a cramped motel, eating convenience food because you lack cooking facilities. It's a less than ideal. Individuals staying in these DSS-sponsored motels outnumber families, but on a single recent day in Saratoga County 2 families (as well as 26 individuals) were housed in these motels.

We may not be perfect, but we can do better than this. Local groups like the Saratoga County Housing Committee are working to bring programs and services to help homeless persons...and to address gaps in services that can help prevent homelessness. In fact this group has brought $4.1 million in housing and support services to address homelessness in Saratoga County. Want to know more? Want to get involved? For more information call the Saratoga Springs Office of Community
Development at 518-587-3550 x 575

Be Street-Safe… There’s an App for That, Kitestring

Nothing beats the summer vibe in Saratoga. People lunching in outdoor cafes, waving to friends on the street. Shoppers strolling leisurely. Within a 5 minute walk, we've got designer fashions, unique cooking gadgets, handcrafted fudge and artisanal breads, custom designed jewelry, a renowned bookstore,  gourmet olive oils, a fantasy-worthy toy store, souvenirs and Saratoga memorabilia, gourmet doggie treats, and of course, fantastical hats bedecked with feathers and flowers. There's a joyous pedestrian feel to the town.

At night the town really rocks with drink specials and live music on the outdoor patios of every bar. Heck, sometimes Gaffneys has a different band playing in every room. And locals can imbibe without worry as they can just hoof it back home, whether home is a dorm room at Skidmore or a high rise condo on Railroad Place. It's a safe town, but every city has crime...especially at night. Common sense and a bit of street smarts can prevent that great night out from ending with a mugging or a sexual assault. So even in a great place like Saratoga, be aware of your surroundings, cross the street or change your route if someone is following you...and don't walk alone at night.  Buddy up and get each other home safely. What to do if your friend walked you home, but now she/he's got a couple of blocks to walk alone?  Want to make sure everyone gets home safe? 


There's an app for that. With  Kitestring, you set your phone for how long it should take to get home. At the appointed time Kitestring checks up on you. If you're home safe you just reply. But if the unthinkable happens, Kitestring notifies your emergency contacts so they can follow up. It's free and you don't even need a smart phone. So enjoy the summer...but be street-safe.

3rd Annual Bullying Awareness March

On Friday, June 6, DVRC partnered with the Ballston Area Community Allies for the 3rd Annual Bullying Awareness March in Ballston Spa.  Over 80 local students participated in the March, using  the opportunity to voice their concerns about bullying to local leaders including Saratoga County District Attorney James A. Murphy, Ballston Spa Central School District Superintendent, Dr. Joseph Dragone, Mayor of the Village of Ballston Spa, the Honorable John P. Romano, and Milton Town Supervisor, Dan Lewza.

Bullying among children, teens, and young adults is on the rise.  According to the American Justice Department, one in four children will experience bullying sometime in their adolescence.  The March will give youth the opportunity to voice their concerns about bullying, share their solutions to stop bullying in the community, while giving community members a chance to show their support for the efforts of the children in speaking out against bullying. 

Local Community Leaders Greet the Marchers at Wiswall Park

Local Community Leaders Greet the Marchers at Wiswall Park

Students and community members gather to discuss their feelings on bullying with community leaders

Students and community members gather to discuss their feelings on bullying with community leaders

Participating students hold up their signs for the community leaders

Participating students hold up their signs for the community leaders

Students and community members gather to discuss their feelings on bullying with community leaders

Students and community members gather to discuss their feelings on bullying with community leaders

Students and community members show their ideas to address bullying

Students and community members show their ideas to address bullying

Shows her bullying awareness message

Shows her bullying awareness message

Ballston Area Community Allies Banner

The Honorable Mayor Romano with participants

The Honorable Mayor Romano with participants

No Place for Hate

No Place for Hate

Ryan Place- A Guilty Verdict

Dickens would have said, "It was the most uncommon of stories. It was the most common story." 


Following up on last Wednesday's post about a fantastical, but horrifyingly real, domestic violence incident being tried in court, the assailant, Ryan  Place, was found guilty. Reading the account of haunting abuse, e.g., forcing the victim to dig her own grave, juxtaposed against seeming acts  of kindness, wrapping her legs to protect them from scratches as they walk through the wooded area, confounds our logical sensibilities. But District Attorney James Murphy III pegged it when he said,
"This is a classic case of domestic violence. He  slowly exerted control over until his grip on her became so tight that he literally controlled every aspect of her life."  


That's the course of relationship abuse,. The abuser vacillates between caring and control, gradually tightening the bonds of  power and control. The process is insidious. And that's what makes it hard for a victim to recognize  how much the abuse is affecting his/her life. Just when they notice that feeling in the gut that something is wrong, the abuser apologizes acts or kindly, and the victim begins to second guess those red flags. In time they are trapped not just by the abuser's control tactics, but by their own inability to identify  what a healthy relationship looks like.


That's where a friend, a family member  or an employer saying, "I'm concerned for you" can be helpful. And where an agency like DVRC can help someone to talk about what is happening in the relationship. If you or someone you know may be in an abusive relationship, you can access our services just to talk about the situation, your options, and your safety. Many people think we're only here when abuse escalates to a crisis. Yes we're there when a crisis happens, but for your sake we'd much rather you talk to us before the abuse rises to that level. So call now even if it's just to talk  (we're here to help 24/7) .
 DVRC office- 518-583-0280
24-hour hotline- 518-584-8188

 





Enjoy a day of shopping while supporting DVRC

On Saturday, June 21, Chico’s at Two Congress Park, 329 Broadway in Saratoga Springs will offer a 10% discount to all shoppers who mention DVRC of Saratoga County.  Come out to get some great summer fashions, ‘Live for the Moment,’ and support the vital services of DVRC!

Seeing is Understanding

This year Leadership Saratoga did a great service for DVRC. They gave us a tool so we can help teens and young adults understand sexual assault, not as an abstract social issue, but as it affects their lives. It's important they understand...so they aren't a victim of sexual assault...and so they don't  inadvertently cross a line where they're accused of sexual assault.


It's a bigger problem than we think:
  • 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually assaulted before they turn 18.
  • Teens account for about 50% of all sexual assault, most occurring in a home.
So why don't we know aware of the extent of this problem? Because fewer than 1/3 of teen sexual assaults are ever reported. Why? fear, shame, stigma, self-blame, uncertainty if they'll be believed, concern they'll be judged for drinking or using drugs before the assault occurred...disbelief that "this could happen to me."


Two years ago DVRC and the Ballston Area Community Allies created Rape or Regret. a movie of a mock rape trial, that we use to educate local youth about sexual assault. It follows a couple Ryan and Tonya at a party with underage drinking; they meet, flirt, kiss, and the night ends with a sexual encounter. She feels the sex was nonconsensual; he states she was drunk but interested and consenting. One night at a party and months later they're in court;  the audience plays the role of the jury deciding if this was rape.  When they see the movie unfolding, teens get the message about sexual assault. My goal is for every teen in our county and every parent of a teen to participate in Rape or Regret. Our challenge, we don't have enough staff to bring this movie to every teen in our county,. And that's where Leadership Saratoga stepped in. They created  a facilitator guide so DVRC could train volunteers to bring this movie to schools, youth groups, parent groups... they didn't just write a guide, they field tested it and saw the impact of Rape or Regret.  We're not teaching teens; we're not talking at them... we're letting them see the issue and talk about it themselves. It's powerful.

Sex and Consent… It’s Sexy

A recent Leadership Saratoga grad sent me this link to NPR's All Things Considered about college students, consent, and sex. Why? Because he was on the team that recently completed a project for DVRC to help teens and young adults be aware of issues involving sex, alcohol, consent and sexual assault (more about the great project they just completed in tomorrow's post). That Leadership team spent months learning about the issue of sexual assault and strategizing ways to increase awareness and reduce sexual assaults.


Consent sounds easy, but it's easy to trip  up. Here's  how colleges are addressing the issue and promoting  the Consent is Sexy campaign.

It’s domestic violence. It’s here.


We live in a wonderful county. I loved visiting Ballston Spa last week for First Friday; the weather couldn’t have been better. I’ve been rowing in the early morning out on the lake by Fish Creek with the mist hovering just above the water as the sun rises. On the way home from work today I’ll be stopping at Allerdice to pick up 5 bags of  Miracle Gro Garden Soil  (with this week’s special pricing it’s like the 5th bag is free), then dropping by Hannaford to have a mango fest  (mangoes are 69 cents this week). If you’re a local too, I bet you cross many of these same paths in your week.  This doesn’t sound like a place where a convicted sex offender kidnaps and tortures his former girlfriend both physically and psychologically for more than 24 hours. But Caitlin Morris’ report of a case in court this week details just such a harrowing tale. Reading the account my thoughts and emotions change continually: horror… shock… disbelief that such a drama could be unfolding in the very places I’ll be parking my car later today… and then recognition.

Recognition? Yes at each turn of this horrendous tale of terror and trauma, I heard echoes of statements said in our office many times each week. In our office? Yes, there were two words that weren’t used in this story- domestic violence. This story starts out as a love story with a couple who met while she was buying sunglasses and quickly became a romance with dinners, movies and runs together,  then ended only weeks later as the girlfriend notices red flags of relationship abuse and ends the relationship. That’s what to do when something doesn’t feel right isn’t it? Move on and put that experience in the past. People ask me so often why domestic violence victims don’t just leave; sometimes they do and the abuser has other plans.

The tactics described in Saratogian reporter Caitlin Morris'  headline story are all too familiar:

First while they were dating:

Angry outbursts “he flew into a fit  of rage”

Physical abuse “slammed her onto the bed”

Imprisonment “wouldn’t let her leave the bedroom”

 

After she ended the relationship:

Harassment -“became obsessed with her…increasing stream of telephone and text messages”

Threats and intimidation -“communications became threatening”

Threats against family members- “started harassing her mother as well”

Stalking- “showed up at her temporary residence…she hadn’t shared the address with him”

Eliciting protective sympathy- “talking about suicide and severe depression”

Using threats of self-harm to manipulate/control the victim- “telling her he was going to drive off the bridge at 120 mph"

Pathological jealousy- “suspicion about her being with another man”

Unpredictable emotional lability  that leaves the victim perpetually ‘walking on eggshells’- “immediately he turned into another person”

Threats to harm or kill the victim-“(this turquoise pond) will be where they find (your) floating body

Threatens to harm family or loved ones if the victim seeks help-  "if she called the police…he would kill her 5 year old niece.”

Apologies…followed by more abuse- “he fell to the floor crying…expressing disbelief over his actions…(as he sat in a the chair with a kitchen knife) “it was clear the monster wasn’t going anywhere”

 

It’s unusual that a domestic violence incident ends up as the front page story describing 24 hours of torture. It’s not unusual that a victim tries to end the relationship and the abuse follows her (or him). While this incident has the drama, the plot twists, and the terror one might expect in a movie about relationship  abuse on the big screen, the behaviors the abuser uses to exert power and control are really common… the advocates at DVRC hear stories like this  every day. I’m certain this victim never expected anything like this could happen to her.  She ended the relationship and thought she was safe. In an instant that changed. We don’t expect crimes like this (Kidnapping Assault. Strangulation) in Saratoga County. But they happen; domestic violence is the second most frequent violence crime in our county. Just weeks ago we had two deaths related to domestic incidents.  First we have to recognize what these abusive behaviors are; they’re a pattern of power and control that’s called domestic violence. And they can escalate unpredictably.

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these indicators of relationship abuse, don’t wait to seek help. Call now… to talk about what is happening… to find out your options… to develop a safety plan. We can help.

 

Domestic Violence and Rape Crisis Services
of Saratoga County

All services are free and confidential

 24-hour hotline 518-584-8188

You Have to be Actively Involved










Bullying…, it’s not just kids’ stuff.  According to nobully.com,

“America is suffering from a bullying epidemic. Bullies appear everywhere, from the playground to workplaces, elder care facilities and even online.
According to careerbuilder.com. 35 percent of more than 3,800 workers surveyed claimed that they had been bullied at their workplaces. 16 percent said they suffered from health problems caused by this bullying. 17 percent said that, despite the terrible economy, they were forced to quit because of bullying.”

So unchecked, the bullying behaviors that first exhibit on the playground, can persist. As the individual grows up and their relationships mature, those same behaviors may manifest in new ways such as cyberbullying, sexual harassment, dating violence, relationship abuse, even sexual violence. Our investment in educating kids about bullying prevention and intervention pays off, not just today, but throughout their lives. The Ballston Spa School District isn’t content to just to educate students about not engaging in bullying behaviors; Superintendent, Dr. Dragone inspires youth to be part of the solution.

“Being a bystander won’t solve the problem.
You have to be actively involved in stopping bullying… stopping bad behaviors wherever they are.”


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