Wellspring - Ending relationship and sexual abuse in Saratoga County


News & Events

Behind Closed Doors- Which Ones?

Several years ago I wrote a blog post Behind Closed Doors positing that the reason domestic violence endures is that it happens out of our view. This post was written after a tragic death as the community was shocked that a relationship could be so dangerous and yet no one knew.

As I read a Washington Post article about the wives of NFL players, I rethought my words. In my original blog post I explained that the desire to keep the abuse private was  an individual decision... made by the victim of the abuse. I rethought my assertion that the decision is entirely individual... each individual's decision is very influenced by our society's values and pressures. The Post article clearly illustrates that wives of NFL players are coached to keep abuse quiet to protect the player's reputation, the brand and our collective adoration of the heroes of the gridiron. The article describes the pressure to silently endure contending that the recent press has even made the NFL less safe for wives. The comment from the wife of a former player, You'll  hear of a wife murdered before you'll hear another one come forward", echoes like a haunting prophesy.

While it's really important to teach every man, woman and child that it's not OK to abuse others, that's strategy alone won't end abuse. There will always be people who choose to abuse or people who fail to judge their own actions. Our response has to be more broad, a societal shift in tolerance. We won't end abuse until we refuse to look away, excuse, or stay silent. Just choosing not to abuse isn't enough, we have to choose to end abuse...every time we see or suspect it. Abuse does hide behind closed doors... sometimes those doors are the ones we shut so that we don't see it.

Behind Closed Doors- Which Ones?

Several years ago I wrote a blog post Behind Closed Doors positing that the reason domestic violence endures is that it happens out of our view. This post was written after a tragic death as the community was shocked that a relationship could be so dangerous and yet no one knew.

As I read a Washington Post article about the wives of NFL players, I rethought my words. In my original blog post I explained that the desire to keep the abuse private was  an individual decision... made by the victim of the abuse. I rethought my assertion that the decision is entirely individual... each individual's decision is very influenced by our society's values and pressures. The Post article clearly illustrates that wives of NFL players are coached to keep abuse quiet to protect the player's reputation, the brand and our collective adoration of the heroes of the gridiron. The article describes the pressure to silently endure contending that the recent press has even made the NFL less safe for wives. The comment from the wife of a former player, You'll  hear of a wife murdered before you'll hear another one come forward", echoes like a haunting prophesy.

While it's really important to teach every man, woman and child that it's not OK to abuse others, that's strategy alone won't end abuse. There will always be people who choose to abuse or people who fail to judge their own actions. Our response has to be more broad, a societal shift in tolerance. We won't end abuse until we refuse to look away, excuse, or stay silent. Just choosing not to abuse isn't enough, we have to choose to end abuse...every time we see or suspect it. Abuse does hide behind closed doors... sometimes those doors are the ones we shut so that we don't see it.

"Sometimes as a Guy You Have to Hide Your Pain"

We've all seen the articles like this in the  news, "Female teacher accused of having sex with male student."   Statutory rape? Absolutely. Sexual victimization? That's where our social attitudes weigh in casting doubts, shedding bias, and making  it difficult for boys and young men to not only disclose the abuse... but even to acknowledge that this 'special attention' isn't welcome and is in fact a violation.


Today I watched a video by a comedian,, Andrew Bailey. It starts with the words, "Why I think rape is sincerely hilarious when it happens to dudes. It's horrible when it happens to women, but men getting raped is hilarious." Frankly, if the video hadn't come with the recommendation to watch the whole video before passing judgment, I wouldn't have watched to the end. I  did and I'm glad. Bailey, -who was a victim of statutory rape, reflected back  our social prejudices  in a way that felt so uncomfortable... as it should. Rape as a comedy routine? Disconcerting, but as Bailey quips, "Sometimes as a guy you've got to hide your pain."


One in six men has survived  unwanted or abusive sex in childhood. That's right, 1 in 6-- but how often do you hear about it? Have you ever heard anyone talking about how unwanted sexual contact or sexual violation can insinuate itself into a man's life, self-esteem, values and relationships.... even years after the contact has ended? We just don't talk about it. With online resources, 24/7 support line and awareness resources, One in Six  strives to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives. They've got resources for survivors, family members, and professionals...and if you're wondering about  the1 in 6 statistic they've got info on that too.

A List of Matching Gift Companies

This Should Be All Year Long

WOW....it took just 15 minutes for me to be inspired, energized, and  and raring to speed back to my desk and get to work.That's what happened yesterday in Stillwater. Was there a nationally recognized motivational speaker there? NO, but there were 5 professionals I know  well talking about domestic violence. I've heard them all speaking for years, but their words and their vision, mine too, have changed. We weren't talking solely about helping survivors; we were talking about what we need to do to END it.

Since 2003 Sergeant Ray Cordani of the Stillwater Police Department has organized a cell phone drive
during Domestic Violence Awareness Month to provide 911 phones to victims of abuse. With the help of local businesses they've collected more than 4,000 phones that advocates have given to those in need.

With decades of experience in law enforcement, Sergeant Cordani knows the prevalence and effects of domestic violence, "There's rarely a shift we don't respond to a domestic incident." He set the tone for the rest of the speakers with a call to action that was echoed again and again" We need to change the culture to change the behavior." Shifting our thinking,  away from focusing on the individual (either the person who stays or the person who abuses) to looking at why abuse endures in our society-- that's the key to solving it.

With 2 full time attorneys assigned to prosecuting these cases, domestic violence is ever-present in our office" explained Acting District Attorney Karen Heggen, "Domestic violence is not a private issue; it is a community issue." Sheriff Mike Zurlo affirmed his department's commitment to battling domestic violence and protecting victims.



Senator Kathy Marchione, who has championed victim assistance and prevention programs, sounded a poignant call to action,
"We need to speak out with one voice and say No More to domestic violence...
No More...
Never again!"

Ten years ago when I began speaking about setting our sights on ending abuse, over and over again I heard this wasn't a realistic goal. Today affirmed for me that not only do so many others share that vision, but that we're committed to achieving it.

So we collected hundreds of cellphones to help in a crisis, but even more importantly we pledged a commitment to an even bigger goal...ending abuse.

Stillwater Supervisot Ed Kinowski lamented, "When I hear the stories and the statistics, I can't believe it still exists. Domestic violence awareness can't be just one month; it should be all year long." That's a great place to start.



This Should Be All Year Long

WOW....it took just 15 minutes for me to be inspired, energized, and  and raring to speed back to my desk and get to work.That's what happened yesterday in Stillwater. Was there a nationally recognized motivational speaker there? NO, but there were 5 professionals I know  well talking about domestic violence. I've heard them all speaking for years, but their words and their vision, mine too, have changed. We weren't talking solely about helping survivors; we were talking about what we need to do to END it.

Since 2003 Sergeant Ray Cordani of the Stillwater Police Department has organized a cell phone drive
during Domestic Violence Awareness Month to provide 911 phones to victims of abuse. With the help of local businesses they've collected more than 4,000 phones that advocates have given to those in need.

With decades of experience in law enforcement, Sergeant Cordani knows the prevalence and effects of domestic violence, "There's rarely a shift we don't respond to a domestic incident." He set the tone for the rest of the speakers with a call to action that was echoed again and again" We need to change the culture to change the behavior." Shifting our thinking,  away from focusing on the individual (either the person who stays or the person who abuses) to looking at why abuse endures in our society-- that's the key to solving it.

With 2 full time attorneys assigned to prosecuting these cases, domestic violence is ever-present in our office" explained Acting District Attorney Karen Heggen, "Domestic violence is not a private issue; it is a community issue." Sheriff Mike Zurlo affirmed his department's commitment to battling domestic violence and protecting victims.



Senator Kathy Marchione, who has championed victim assistance and prevention programs, sounded a poignant call to action,
"We need to speak out with one voice and say No More to domestic violence...
No More...
Never again!"

Ten years ago when I began speaking about setting our sights on ending abuse, over and over again I heard this wasn't a realistic goal. Today affirmed for me that not only do so many others share that vision, but that we're committed to achieving it.

So we collected hundreds of cellphones to help in a crisis, but even more importantly we pledged a commitment to an even bigger goal...ending abuse.

Stillwater Supervisot Ed Kinowski lamented, "When I hear the stories and the statistics, I can't believe it still exists. Domestic violence awareness can't be just one month; it should be all year long." That's a great place to start.



Keeping Pets Safe Too

At Wellspring, our mission is to end relationship and sexual abuse in Saratoga County.  We do this by providing essential crisis intervention and support services in addition to services that help people avoid abuse and prevent violence–services like education, issue awareness, community participation.   One of the most engaging ways in which we engage our community, is the annual Pooch Parade.  This past Saturday, October 11, we hosted the 4th Annual Pooch Parade at Congress Park.  Joined by over 75 participants, and 40 dogs, the event is an approachable, family-friendly way to bring awareness to very difficult topics–relationship and pet abuse.  Proceeds from the event go to support the Safe pet Partnership, providing  safe, temporary placement of family pets through a network of kennels, rescue groups, farms, and pet “foster homes”.

Victims of relationship abuse often remain in their abusive environments because they don’t want to leave their pets behind.  Abusers will often use pets as a way to threaten and exert control over their victims.  Through this unique program, we help minimize the difficulty of separation until the family and their pet can be safely reunited.

This year’s event raised over $1,250 thanks in large part to the grateful sponsorship of the event by local pet-friendly businesses Dawgom,Benson’s Pet CenterUpstate Animal Medical Center, and Impressions of Saratoga.
More Photos to Come!
Photo Oct 11, 10 14 50 AM Photo Oct 11, 10 15 00 AM Photo Oct 11, 10 24 47 AM Photo Oct 11, 10 25 02 AM

One is One Too Many

Mayor Yepsen presents Wellspring with resolution proclaiming October DV Awareness Month
Last night I attended the Saratoga Springs City Council meeting. I was invited to speak  for a few minutes about Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Mayor Yepsen gave some statistics about the frequency of abuse that she deemed shocking:
  •  in the US we average 20 acts of violence per minute
  •  10 million victims each year; and
  • domestic violence accounts for 15% of violent crime.

I provided some local data from Saratoga County:
  • Domestic violence is the #2 violent crime in our county
  • Depending on the year it is either the #1 or #2 cause of homicide, and
  • It is also the primary reason for family homelessness in our county.
The statistics are sobering; the stories behind those statistics are even more concerning, but what I'd like to take away from the conversation is a  statement by Mayor Yepsen that sums up the vision and work of Wellspring, "Even one domestic violence victim is one too many."

We're working to increase awareness, help people in need get services before a crisis, and engaging our community to create social change so that no man, woman, or child lives in fear at home.  You can be part of that change by:
  • Ask Wellspring staff to come and speak at your workplace or community group about our services and how you can be involved
  • Volunteering- We have new volunteer opportunities assisting the agency with outreach and prevention activities
  • Helping us to spread the word- Share interesting articles or talk with friends about why you care about domestic violence.  Silence Hides Violence- let's break the silence.
"Even one domestic violence victim is one too many."
                                    Mayor Joanne Yepsen


One is One Too Many

Mayor Yepsen presents Wellspring with resolution proclaiming October DV Awareness Month
Last night I attended the Saratoga Springs City Council meeting. I was invited to speak  for a few minutes about Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Mayor Yepsen gave some statistics about the frequency of abuse that she deemed shocking:
  •  in the US we average 20 acts of violence per minute
  •  10 million victims each year; and
  • domestic violence accounts for 15% of violent crime.

I provided some local data from Saratoga County:
  • Domestic violence is the #2 violent crime in our county
  • Depending on the year it is either the #1 or #2 cause of homicide, and
  • It is also the primary reason for family homelessness in our county.
The statistics are sobering; the stories behind those statistics are even more concerning, but what I'd like to take away from the conversation is a  statement by Mayor Yepsen that sums up the vision and work of Wellspring, "Even one domestic violence victim is one too many."

We're working to increase awareness, help people in need get services before a crisis, and engaging our community to create social change so that no man, woman, or child lives in fear at home.  You can be part of that change by:
  • Ask Wellspring staff to come and speak at your workplace or community group about our services and how you can be involved
  • Volunteering- We have new volunteer opportunities assisting the agency with outreach and prevention activities
  • Helping us to spread the word- Share interesting articles or talk with friends about why you care about domestic violence.  Silence Hides Violence- let's break the silence.
"Even one domestic violence victim is one too many."
                                    Mayor Joanne Yepsen



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